Rooting, Blooming, Blossom – Blooming, Blossom, Rotten
by Melyssa Munn
Franklin College of Arts and Sciences, Department of Women’s and Gender Studies
This essay looks at how women understand their own sexuality compared to how society defines it for them. I describe womanhood as a cycle of rooting, blooming, and blossoming, where women grow into themselves through self-discovery, experience, and confidence. At the same time, society follows a different cycle of blooming, blossoming, and rotting, where women are judged based on how they look, how desirable they are, and how close they are to losing that status.
Using both personal experiences and feminist ideas, I explain how this disconnect begins early in life. Girls are often exposed to expectations about beauty, relationships, and behavior before they even understand what those things mean. As they grow older, they start to form their own identities, but they are still pressured to fit into narrow ideas about what women should be. This shift is especially clear in young adulthood, when women are seen as being “in their prime,” even if they are still figuring themselves out. As women age, they often become more confident and secure in who they are, but society tends to value them less. This viewpoint shows that their worth was never really about who they are, but about how they are perceived. Overall, this essay argues that women should be valued at every stage of life, not just when they fit into limited expectations.
womanhood, sexuality, feminist theory, socialization, aging, agency
The feminine self can be seen as a public garden. It is admired, controlled, and inevitably discarded when it serves its purpose as decided by those using it. This essay follows womanhood and sexuality as a cycle of rooting, blooming, and blossoming, while society views women through a different cycle of blooming, blossoming, and rotting. Rooting represents early identity formation and self-discovery, blooming reflects the development of autonomy and self-definition, and blossoming marks a stage of confidence and self-ownership. Women’s understanding of their sexuality is developed through self-growth and discovery, while society defines that same sexuality through visibility, value, and eventually decline. Society deems women as being in their sexual prime long before they have defined their identities for themselves, and by then, they are seen as withered.
I have always had big goals for my future that do not revolve around being a mother. Instead, I see myself traveling and caring for others medically. Because of this, the predetermined future that seems to have been decided for me since birth has always come in last place. My mom had three other children before me. She was a single mom living in Marietta, Georgia, before she met my dad. She was struggling to get through school at Georgia State University, and unfortunately, soon after meeting my dad, she dropped out. My mom and siblings moved to Virginia to live with my dad, and soon had me, which led my mom to be a stay-at-home mom for the remainder of her life.
Growing up, my mom always wanted the brightest futures for my sisters and me. She imagined futures that included lots of school, good jobs, and happy lives. However, after these conversations, she always ended them by saying, “And once you get married and have children, you will be a stay-at-home mom too.” Despite the amount of money and time put into our futures for ourselves, even our own mother wanted our lives with education and careers to end, to start the life of motherhood.
When I think of my future, I see myself in scrubs in another country, helping others. Of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting children and becoming a mother; that is the goal for many women. However, it is a fact that while motherhood is not the goal for many, all women are treated as though it should be. It is often seen as abnormal or even shameful for a woman to express interest in a life that does not revolve around sexuality. It’s like going against the grain of our biological fate to be more than that: beings meant to carry out a goal of pleasure and reproduction.
Rooting – Blooming
This cycle begins in childhood, when societal expectations are placed on girls long before they understand themselves. From the moment a woman is born, she is met with expectations of who she is and who she is meant to be for a patriarchal society rather than for herself. The sexualization of women begins before sexual awareness. From baby clothes that allude to adult gender expectations through messages like “sorry, boys, daddy says no dating” or “future heartbreaker,” to toys that perpetuate an expected future—such as toy babies and kitchen supplies to prepare her for a life of birth and service within her home and to her husband—girls are inundated with subliminal messages about gender norms. Projecting ideals about dating, sexuality, and domesticity onto a young girl is imposing an identity of sexuality on her before she can develop a sense of self. She will start school, and while she is focused on her studies and getting the best grades, others are focused on her. For example, enforcing dress codes on her so as not to distract the boys teaches her early on that her body is responsible for others’ behavior. She learns shame before she learns confidence. Even in children’s media, the first stories girls are told often teach that love and beauty are their ultimate rewards. This reinforces the idea that her value is something to be seen by others rather than something she defines for herself.
This is the rooting stage for her, a time when she should be allowed to discover her interests, voice, and belonging while forming the foundation of who she will become. Society does not value these roots, and to them, they are insignificant aspects of her. Society sees her as blooming from the moment she is born—the potential to perform as they see fit and expect of her. Anything having to do with her passions that does not align with her expected future is not seen as serving her. For society, there is no rooting; there is only blooming. A selfish disregard for the process of growth, and instead an impatient wait for what is seen as the “rewarding beauty.” A young girl can rarely be just a child; her worth is tied to how soon she can perform for society and be desirable to those around her.
This is how systemic patriarchy is maintained. It convinces women that power comes from being chosen, rather than in choosing for themselves. The tragedy of this stage is that her self-understanding is rushed and externally shaped before it can fully form, which allows the harmful institutional framework to influence her self-image. Some may argue that early exposure to this social expectation will prepare her for the real world or that being admired by many is a form of empowerment. However, empowerment without agency is only a performance, and it only serves the observer.
One of my experiences with this stage follows that of many other women. My first toys were baby dolls and baby supplies for said dolls. One of my favorite pastimes as a toddler was playing restaurant in my toy kitchen. There is nothing inherently harmful with this, because, especially in my case, I was also given toys that I feel shaped my future, in addition to the ones geared toward traditional roles. I had this set of scrubs made for children, as well as a
little fake first aid kit. Being the youngest in the family, I carry the nickname “Baby” to this day. I was coined “Doctor Baby” by my family and would hastily administer first-aid to life-threatening paper cuts and stubbed toes. Although I still played with my baby dolls, I did not do so as often. I feel as though my rooting took place in the option to explore other potential futures instead of the one expected of me.
Blooming – Blossom
For a woman entering adulthood, she now has a more solid foundation for her identity. She continues to discover who she is and refine her finer details as she enters young adulthood, which brings many new obstacles and opportunities to learn from others. This is the stage of blooming where women begin to step into their own definitions of who they are and what they want. She is able to differentiate between what is true and what was taught to her back in childhood. Sexuality in this stage starts shifting from something done to her, but rather something she begins to discover for herself. The way society has structured itself has prioritized getting ahead in life rather than growing as individuals along the way.
But as women bloom internally, society only sees and chooses to acknowledge the external blossom. This is the stage where she is considered to be “in her prime” sexually, when youth and fertility are at their peak. She is encouraged to express her sexuality, but only in ways seen fit by others, not herself. Visibility for women has indeed increased, but in some cases, that visibility becomes harmful when those who are observing have ill intentions toward her. For example, the rise of influencers demonstrates a kind of visibility where their platforms are based on self-expression as they seem to embody total agency while generating wealth.
However, this perceived empowerment is fragile when those same women who use their platforms to simply set boundaries or speak out on controversial topics, the same audience that idolizes them, turns to brutal harassment. This reaction shows that it was never about respect but rather access and consumption. Until visibility comes with respect, the act of being seen has its own consequences. In this stage, there is tension between self-ownership and societal expectations. She is living her life and has chosen to pursue her education, career, and confidence, but there is an invisible clock put on her – an expiration date of her sexuality, also referred to as a biological clock. This clock is unforgiving to those who want to make a life for themselves before creating a life for others. Behind every compliment about her being in her prime is the unspoken warning that that will not last. Society celebrates her blossom in their eyes only because it anticipates her decline.
Currently being in this stage, I feel this pressure to hurry with school and settle down, as many around me are. I’m stressed with this idea that I’m already old and don’t have much time left, despite only being twenty years old. There is still so much for me to experience and live through before I want to even contemplate getting married and having children, which is still an idea I’m not completely behind, as I’ve previously mentioned how career-oriented I am.
For someone who plans to go through many years of schooling to reach my goals, the idea of the invisible or biological clock is something that has been mentioned to me quite often when expressing my plans. “Medical school takes so long, when are you going to have time to have kids before you’re too old?” is something I hear frequently. It’s thought of as not feasible to do both – having children and being career/school oriented. There’s this idea that you’re not a good mother if all of your focus isn’t on your family, but then there is also criticism if you reject or postpone motherhood in search of self-actualization.
Blossom – Rotten
By the time a woman reaches her thirties, and beyond, she has gathered enough experience to understand who she is and what she wants. The uncertainty of her youth begins to settle into a grounded confidence. This shift marks the blossom stage, where her roots have stabilized, and she has grown into something whole. She knows her worth because she has built it herself. Her sense of sexuality is no longer about validation but rather expression.
For a woman, this is the first time in her life when she feels in her true prime. Not because of how she looks, but because of how she feels. She has a career, stability, passions, and wisdom. This is her sexual peak, both emotionally and intellectually. Yet society no longer celebrates her. In their eyes, she is past her prime and has wilted and rotted. The same system that once sexualized her from a young age now tells her to hide her signs of aging. Her sexuality that was once praised is now erased, and the confidence that took decades to build is dismissed. Society’s obsession with youth reframes her independence as bitterness and her desire as inappropriate. The irony of the very system she grew up in shows in this stage: the more freedom and power she gathers, the less she is acknowledged. She becomes something uncontrollable, which is the very reason she is pushed aside as society admires compliance, not agency.
This shift demonstrates the hollowness of how society defines worth. Her value has always been tied to her perceived availability or how desirable she is to others, with no care for how fulfilled she feels within herself. Once she is no longer a blossom to society, she is considered irrelevant, treated as a non-sexual being, and shamed for the sexuality she was once defined by. The same qualities that make her powerful, like her voice and her boundaries, are the very reasons she has become “too much.” Some may say that as she ages, she will find other freedoms in life outside of her sexuality and enjoy no longer being perceived through the patriarchal gaze. The truth is that she is no longer defined by how she is seen but by what she does. However, this freedom is given to her by dismissal, not respect or recognition, so it is not the same as liberation.
My oldest sister, who is currently thirty-four, made the decision many years ago to live for herself rather than have children. She has a PhD, has worked at the Centers for Disease Control, travels with her husband, nurtures her various hobbies, and is very confident in her sexuality. She, in my opinion, is one definition of a blossomed woman despite being “aged out” in society’s eyes. She is who I aim to be like and who has been a role model for me for as long as I can remember.
Conclusion
Through each stage of her life, her sexuality is never entirely her own. Society claims it, shapes it, and eventually takes it away. In rooting – blooming, while she is moving through the beginning of her life, looking for self-recognition, she learns how she is sexualized from an early age and how ingrained sexuality is in how she is seen and treated. She begins experiencing sexuality before knowing the definition. In blooming – blossom, she now knows the definition of sexuality and is exploring it on her own; however, it is at the point that society expects her to already know all there is to it. She is expected to be the knowledgeable one about a subject that has only been inflicted upon her. Then, in blossom – rotten, she is finally at her peak in life financially, with stability in her choices, but by this time, outsiders no longer see her as desirable because of the power she has found in herself. She is no longer compliant and, in turn, no longer useful in a society that favors submission.
In order to break this cycle of living a step ahead of women, women need to be valued at all stages and not thought of as a product of a system that prioritizes consumption rather than growth. Ways to do this include normalizing career and academic pursuits by making it affordable and accessible to have children alongside those goals if a woman wants them. Celebrating narratives of older women to show that aging isn’t a death sentence but rather a gift. Also, valuing non-compliant agency and uplifting the women who are seen as “too much” simply because they are setting boundaries. Until there is societal change to work with women and how they grow instead of manipulating, rushing everything else around them, a woman’s life will be spent catching up to the version of herself that society has already written, while also writing it for herself.
Acknowledgments: Tye Johnson and Eryn O’Sullivan